(33)

this might be a disaster waiting to happen but I’ve been waiting for so long…..needed you to survive once….I erase my mistakes right after…I don’t hold on to bodies I never long for…I’m afraid to feel all the feels you once gave me. don’t touch me…don’t tempt me..how does it feel to be loved by you now? is it better? is it different?…you don’t like arguing that’s all we use to do I hold it all in & then boom!! you know that you know me …you know me ..like really know me … I don’t think I ever let someone see that vulnerability…you broke me & misplaced me…lost me somewhere in between distance & fear…

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(32)

the things that haunt me

1.the way your eyes focus on me when you talk & I look everywhere but at you
2.the gripping of your hands
3.that you say you can not live if I am not in your life
4.how I invite you in everytime knowing your true intentions
5.that you are the only mistake that makes sense
6.the truth is I loved you by a mistake
7.we only fuck when Im in need of comfort I’ll rather you hold me but you don’t know the true meaning of being there
8.you were never my first choice you just looked to good to say no to…
9.the way your love has blind me
10. the fact that I am the lamb that has been sacrificing & everyone has ate but me

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by the end of the year we lose contact we find each other again no “where have you been” just “welcome back” …”can I see you?” someone said we have to make room in our hearts for the people we love & for who they love ….could you? for him he will always be the comfort I run to when no one else is there to listen truth is I’ll rather have a best friend than a man ..maybe the thought of being vulnerable to where I have to invite you to feel me not only physically but emotionally is terrifying ..I know that’s why you hesitated to think you might have something worth keeping it’s only right to fuck that up too it’s only right to pull a you on you… but you can’t substitute what cannot be compared when it’s only one of its kind…