(37)

I’ll only have you if you help me forget …I’ll only have you if you love me more than I love you…ill only have you if you heal me completely…had a few attempt but the challenge is too complex everything wired to my mind you think you’ve seen my heart but haven’t even got the invite yet…that good huh? just to being a woman gives me the power to but my power isn’t limited to manipulation ..what my mouth can do…what my body can do… I’ll leave the deceiving to you…can’t be consistent for long…trying to figure out why I don’t want to come over anymore….or why I call him & not you …some comfort never fades even after years of no communication just body language

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(36)

time seems to speed up in the happy moments & they fade away quickly I don’t remember by the end of the day & lately I haven’t been real with me like no matter how hard you try to make them see they won’t & don’t care to but being okay with that is the hardest task…it’s okay to question yourself….it’s okay to fuck up but don’t allow it to be repetitive..letting unbalance emotions drive you to put yourself in uncomfortable situations reopening wounds from the past…having no where to run felt like the room was caving in & that’s on me…a mistake that will never be erased due to my own insecurities..maybe I have to hit rock bottom to be where I’m suppose to be
I can be vulnerable involving everything rather be there for you than for me ..karma do you come even if I have a reason ? do you come because I know better & I didn’t seem to care that day?
I’m afraid I won’t show up for who I am suppose to show up for…I’m afraid the damage is done

(35)

17 days you will be 27 can’t help but think about the last time we connected she told you what happened & you tore the house up asking who & why but still left with no answer too ashamed to tell you the other day I had a dream about it I know the person was a substitute maybe they all are & really I’ve been searching for you….there’s a doubt in me & there’s a hope in me …can you really survive this? we know loss to well I’ve lost you a few times this time seems different you’re finally consistent with disappearing maybe you are who I got that bad habit from too distance too closed in but open enough to feel like I’m there but never really am…sometimes you call & I can’t make myself answer just to hear your voice shakes me than I realize that you are not here that breaks me …

(34)

the way your smile curves slightly to the left
the golden glow of your skin
the way your lips move when you said “I need you”
love how your voice cracks when you’re expressing yourself upset or frustrated
Maxwell’s “known these things” play in the background
I comb your hair the same color as the leaves in fall
you are perfection at its greatest form
the muse every artist pictures