“How can she even feel?”
Lily ask me when will she breath again.i don’t know much about release but I know running & hiding.
We both do.We both know how it feels to be so close to something we prayed for & watch it slip away like uterus & fetus how murderers can hid names in their hands , watch fingers penetrate & keep bodies secret.
“How could he tell me to leave but beg me to stay at the same time.”
when he looked at me & told me I wasn’t there for him when he needed me the most. I remember how CJ must of felt when the vow was broken every night he was at work.
I remember the moaning I remember her holding me like I was her mother. She said that’s when she knew I would be one. I am wondering how can I be the woman I hope to be when I was never taught how a woman should be. “Lily?”
Don’t allow him to dim your light or Jericho your walls before you wanted them to fall.
“Your twin flame can hurt you right.”
“I’m not sure”
“When he took you apart in that room I swear I smelt your body burning.”
There was no better love for you other than that?
When you laid naked walls ripe enough to eat , did he feast?
Did he removed himself from you without shame.
Did he cry even a tear?
When he said sorry could you hear it in the back of his heart?
What the fuck is a sorry when for if the rest of life it will replay this moment?
I never felt it before this feeling when I see you smile I’m trying to make it my mission to keep it permanent. To be honest I’ve been hurt so many times by friends , family , relationships.When you gave your all & someone says it isn’t enough & when you find someone who thinks they are not enough your heart unfolds. You are like the safe to my haven the sea glass a wanderer so desperately wants to find.Its been a few months but after years of being taken for granted each day with you fills me up I am not starving for compassion , attention , respect. We are not perfect I know I am not I’ve been longing for love but words don’t mean anything if my actions lack maturity. I’m not always gentle sometimes my thoughts doubts everything I pray for. I pray for you sometimes when we are together I’ll look in your eyes & pray you stay. Yes I do see your potential because you see mines. I know sometimes you probably want to leave my mouth can be slick my mood can switch. I forget to fight through the war but that’s when I need you. I need you to lift me up & I’ll do the same for you. You awaken a side of me I never knew I had. If this is a lesson then let it be. I’ll never regret the day I met you. I’ll never not think of you.
I had to reset my life. Mid last year I began loving myself whole not in pieces. I knew what I wanted & needed & knew what I had to do to make everything happen. Praying for healing while still being in chaos took resilience & hard work.People assume everything was good because I didn’t talk about much I shut alot of people out I once let in. Mainly because the ones closest to me was hurting me. I began to think about how much I would sacrifice & care about others more than I cared about my own struggles. July came around & I knew I wanted to be alone no outsiders but my two kids. Nothing change for a few months just misery traveled through the apartment I blessed into a home but there was days I felt trapped & abused. Days I felt useless & unloved. People would say they love me but I knew they didn’t love me just love what I could do for them. October came around & i realized that I can’t let the devil come into my life once again & destroy it. I decided to fight harder & so I did. It is as if I am unstoppable & unbreakable , kept pushing , kept smiling through the war.