17 days you will be 27 can’t help but think about the last time we connected she told you what happened & you tore the house up asking who & why but still left with no answer too ashamed to tell you the other day I had a dream about it I know the person was a substitute maybe they all are & really I’ve been searching for you….there’s a doubt in me & there’s a hope in me …can you really survive this? we know loss to well I’ve lost you a few times this time seems different you’re finally consistent with disappearing maybe you are who I got that bad habit from too distance too closed in but open enough to feel like I’m there but never really am…sometimes you call & I can’t make myself answer just to hear your voice shakes me than I realize that you are not here that breaks me …
this might be a disaster waiting to happen but I’ve been waiting for so long…..needed you to survive once….I erase my mistakes right after…I don’t hold on to bodies I never long for…I’m afraid to feel all the feels you once gave me. don’t touch me…don’t tempt me..how does it feel to be loved by you now? is it better? is it different?…you don’t like arguing that’s all we use to do I hold it all in & then boom!! you know that you know me …you know me ..like really know me … I don’t think I ever let someone see that vulnerability…you broke me & misplaced me…lost me somewhere in between distance & fear…
We won’t always be this calm the sunset before night hits when regrets are at your front door begging to be
chosen. I believe we will always admire eachother.
When someone’s presence is enough that’s when you know.
When you can look at them in their eyes & feel that they geuinuely care about your well being that’s when you know.
I know within love it takes alot of work maybe so much that you feel like you’ll fail at it because people have always told you that you will never amount to anything but you mean everything to me.
I’ll pour my heart out & I’ll continue to pray for you.
I’ll continue to master self love to the core that loving you will look like heaven on Earth.
You don’t deserve anything less than the greatest.
You don’t deserve anything less than what you mean to me.
The only thing I want from you is your presence I’m telling you that’s enough…