Tag Archives: Diary

Journal entry (1)

laying in bed beside my daughter & yesterday I saw my father & realize how much love can change someone’s life..
I never seen my father so excited & calm around anyone like he is around us & his good friend lady & friendship is so important…us women can build up a man or break them down we have that ability.. I watch this woman help my father through friendship & love now she is teaching me the same it’s so frustrating & inspirational…sometimes what she tells me makes me take a few steps back & look at myself she is truly a guidance… & she says I am teaching her too which is crazy because I don’t look at myself as any type of inspiration at times…I love to help people but I barely know how to help myself… recently I have been trying to heal a few things in my life or past life the wounds are still so new… Life is definitely difficult but it’s so worth it & everytime I see my kids I am honored to be a mother. God chose me to be a mother & what a beautiful thing that is & God chose me to love the people who allow me to be in their lives & I am so happy to be apart of this world so happy

Advertisements

Post 2

I never felt it before this feeling when I see you smile I’m trying to make it my mission to keep it permanent. To be honest I’ve been hurt so many times by friends , family , relationships.When you gave your all & someone says it isn’t enough & when you find someone who thinks they are not enough your heart unfolds. You are like the safe to my haven the sea glass a wanderer so desperately wants to find.Its been a few months but after years of being taken for granted each day with you fills me up I am not starving for compassion , attention , respect. We are not perfect I know I am not I’ve been longing for love but words don’t mean anything if my actions lack maturity. I’m not always gentle sometimes my thoughts doubts everything I pray for. I pray for you sometimes when we are together I’ll look in your eyes & pray you stay. Yes I do see your potential because you see mines. I know sometimes you probably want to leave my mouth can be slick my mood can switch. I forget to fight through the war but that’s when I need you. I need you to lift me up & I’ll do the same for you. You awaken a side of me I never knew I had. If this is a lesson then let it be. I’ll never regret the day I met you. I’ll never not think of you.

Post 1.

I had to reset my life. Mid last year I began loving myself whole not in pieces. I knew what I wanted & needed & knew what I had to do to make everything happen. Praying for healing while still being in chaos took resilience & hard work.People assume everything was good because I didn’t talk about much I shut alot of people out I once let in. Mainly because the ones closest to me was hurting me. I began to think about how much I would sacrifice & care about others more than I cared about my own struggles. July came around & I knew I wanted to be alone no outsiders but my two kids. Nothing change for a few months just misery traveled through the apartment I blessed into a home but there was days I felt trapped & abused. Days I felt useless & unloved. People would say they love me but I knew they didn’t love me just love what I could do for them. October came around & i realized that I can’t let the devil come into my life once again & destroy it. I decided to fight harder & so I did. It is as if I am unstoppable & unbreakable , kept pushing , kept smiling through the war.