by the end of the year we lose contact we find each other again no “where have you been” just “welcome back” …”can I see you?” someone said we have to make room in our hearts for the people we love & for who they love ….could you? for him he will always be the comfort I run to when no one else is there to listen truth is I’ll rather have a best friend than a man ..maybe the thought of being vulnerable to where I have to invite you to feel me not only physically but emotionally is terrifying ..I know that’s why you hesitated to think you might have something worth keeping it’s only right to fuck that up too it’s only right to pull a you on you… but you can’t substitute what cannot be compared when it’s only one of its kind…
sometimes it feels like you awaken my love just to deny it ever existed… repeatedly trying for you is a losing war
you can be free in love
you have to be fearless in love
lay all your troubles in front of my feet
leave all your insecurities at the door
come here & don’t walk away
I pray you stay I pray you stay forever
laying in bed beside my daughter & yesterday I saw my father & realize how much love can change someone’s life..
I never seen my father so excited & calm around anyone like he is around us & his good friend lady & friendship is so important…us women can build up a man or break them down we have that ability.. I watch this woman help my father through friendship & love now she is teaching me the same it’s so frustrating & inspirational…sometimes what she tells me makes me take a few steps back & look at myself she is truly a guidance… & she says I am teaching her too which is crazy because I don’t look at myself as any type of inspiration at times…I love to help people but I barely know how to help myself… recently I have been trying to heal a few things in my life or past life the wounds are still so new… Life is definitely difficult but it’s so worth it & everytime I see my kids I am honored to be a mother. God chose me to be a mother & what a beautiful thing that is & God chose me to love the people who allow me to be in their lives & I am so happy to be apart of this world so happy
I never felt it before this feeling when I see you smile I’m trying to make it my mission to keep it permanent. To be honest I’ve been hurt so many times by friends , family , relationships.When you gave your all & someone says it isn’t enough & when you find someone who thinks they are not enough your heart unfolds. You are like the safe to my haven the sea glass a wanderer so desperately wants to find.Its been a few months but after years of being taken for granted each day with you fills me up I am not starving for compassion , attention , respect. We are not perfect I know I am not I’ve been longing for love but words don’t mean anything if my actions lack maturity. I’m not always gentle sometimes my thoughts doubts everything I pray for. I pray for you sometimes when we are together I’ll look in your eyes & pray you stay. Yes I do see your potential because you see mines. I know sometimes you probably want to leave my mouth can be slick my mood can switch. I forget to fight through the war but that’s when I need you. I need you to lift me up & I’ll do the same for you. You awaken a side of me I never knew I had. If this is a lesson then let it be. I’ll never regret the day I met you. I’ll never not think of you.
I had to reset my life. Mid last year I began loving myself whole not in pieces. I knew what I wanted & needed & knew what I had to do to make everything happen. Praying for healing while still being in chaos took resilience & hard work.People assume everything was good because I didn’t talk about much I shut alot of people out I once let in. Mainly because the ones closest to me was hurting me. I began to think about how much I would sacrifice & care about others more than I cared about my own struggles. July came around & I knew I wanted to be alone no outsiders but my two kids. Nothing change for a few months just misery traveled through the apartment I blessed into a home but there was days I felt trapped & abused. Days I felt useless & unloved. People would say they love me but I knew they didn’t love me just love what I could do for them. October came around & i realized that I can’t let the devil come into my life once again & destroy it. I decided to fight harder & so I did. It is as if I am unstoppable & unbreakable , kept pushing , kept smiling through the war.